So for my 40th (ugh) birthday a couple of things happened.

1) I didn't wake up and look any different than I did the day before. I had expected an epic change, perhaps the same way we expect one when we turn 16, 18, 21 or 30. No changes!

2) I got a cool camera :-) I have been interested in photography since high school, waaaaaaay back! I just never took the leap until now. I am pretty excited and started a Pinterest board of my photos. Pretty serious stuff right there! https://www.pinterest.com/tnicky75/tntphotography/

I am going to take some classes and learn how to USE the camera properly and learn about light and composition and stuff.

I love the way it feels to go around looking at things and really looking at them. It makes me slow down and pay attention. It gets me out in nature. It makes me happy.

     Life doesn't happen in the rear view mirror so why do we constantly look back? Because we know what happened in the past. We aren't sure of the future, it hasn't happened yet so it is a big question mark. That leaves us feeling alone or nervous sometimes optimistic. Glancing back or reflecting on things once in a while is not the problem, it is the constant day to day getting stuck in the memories.

     We can learn from the past, it can be the best teacher. We can also be hurt or hindered from it. I wish I could go back and do my pregnancy and Dylan's childhood over.  I can't. So should I sit and stare in that rear view mirror wishing, pining, felling sad or do I acknowledge it and use it to be a better mom now?  The answer is pretty obvious.  Now is more important than then!

     I sure was fit. Disciplined at working out and eating right. I sure wish I could be like that again! Well sitting here wishing isn't going to make it happen. Putting down my Pepsi and and working out will!

     Not everything in the past is a learning experience, sometimes it is just a memory. Beware that these can grab you and hold you there as well. Bad memories hold you and remind you of the hurtful things people have said or done. They can drag you back to that dark alley and beat the crap out of you all over again. Don't let those bad memories bully you. They thrive and grow in sadness, depression and fear.

     What about the happy memories? Well they can grab a hold of you and trap you in the cycle of "I sure was happy then." "Nothing compares to ________" and pretty soon NOTHING does compare to then. It is easy to see the happy times through very rose colored glasses. These glasses can start to blur the edges of the not so happy and pretty soon some of the bad things don't seem so bad after all.
Don't let the happy times fool you in to the false nostalgia of "the ex wasn't THAT bad" or "that old job was pretty great after all". This leads back to the pining and wishing.

     Glance back if you have to. Flip it the bird if that helps. Tell that old life "thanks, but I am moving on". I remember what made me happy or what I did to hurt others but I am NOT going to live in those memories. Rip that rear view mirror down and throw it in the river!

     Focus on the present. Be present. With family, friends, and co-workers. Most important be present with God, every single day!

Here is to a fantastic 2015!!!