Bah!

     For those of you that don't know, I am a crabby person. I gripe, bitch, piss, moan and all the other fun terms we have for this type of action.
     Not hubby says "you would bitch if they hung you with a new rope". Well DUH! A new rope is scratchy and stiff, who wouldn't bitch about that?
     This time of year brings it out extra in me. The weather for starters but then add the holidays and look out! I don't just despise the winter holidays, I am an equal opportunity despiser. (new word)
     I don't like holidays, birthdays, baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, sappy movies, love songs or anything else that makes a person feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
     I am CERTAIN it stems from the way I was raised but I am an adult and those "excuses" do NOT work anymore. I have grown in to a snarky, condescending, judgmental, tell you what I think even if it hurts your feelings bitch. I am not proud of this, it is just the way it is. I also claim to be a Christian... yes you read that right.
     Sorry God but I do claim that I am one of yours. I am broken. I am tired of being broken. I have tried to soften my edges, watch mushy feel good movies, enjoy the holidays, listen to lovey music but it is not easy. It feels wrong, unnatural and I feel like a liar.
     Don't get me wrong, I do feel emotions and if I were to tell you that I haven't cried at the loss of a pet, the birth of my child or during a movie then THAT would be a lie. Those things do happen but not often.
     I reflect, I pray, I read the bible and my devotional and I see people who are genuinely nice and good and full of love and I wonder what it is to live that way. Now I am not saying I am evil or bad, I don't think that at all. I just know I am not like those people.
     I don't want to run out and makes tons of friends and socialize all the time and spend all my time around people, I am an introvert and I LOVE it! I do want to be able to love those in my life completely and fully, enjoy the times we spend together, have fun decorating for Christmas, celebrate the happy times with those I love (baby showers, birthdays, weddings) and not count every minute until I can leave.
     Rome wasn't built in a day and so it stands to reason that I will not wake up in the morning a new person. I am a work in progress, did I also mention I am VERY impatient? Yeah this makes it an interesting road I am traveling.
     Pray for me, pray that like the Grinch my small heart will grow three sizes    :-)

I have been out of commission for a while. Since July to be exact. Nothing serious really just a bad case of the I write amazing things in my head and can't remember squats. I think all great writers go through this, I should ask one.

I feel like I am ready to burst with creativity. Unfortunately I can't draw, sing, dance, paint or play an instrument so my outlet is writing.   Ok, I CAN draw, sing, dance, paint, and play an instrument BUT you would not want to be a part of that!

The last time I drew a picture of the master bed/bath it ended up looking like a penguin in a suit. Perhaps I should try to draw a penguin in a suit and I will get my master bed/bath.

Anyway it isn't like I haven't been thinking of writing and even attempting it off and on since July, it's more like the words I write end up like my drawing of the master bed/bath...unrecognizable.

Since the dogs have been corralled it has cut down on the random body parts and dead animals showing up. That has cut down on the fun times we had playing tug of war with a spine. Just because they can't go run amok annoying the neighborhood doesn't mean they haven't been insane.

Every morning when the other half gets up the dogs go CRAZY! He gets to grab some coffee and begin the morning ritual of throwing the jolly ball (what's left of the second one) or the worm head (it  was a head from a stuffed toy). Tally runs as fast as she can after it with Truman in tow and then they both grab it and run back to the couch together. When Tally gets it on her own she runs as fast as she can to the couch launching herself on to it while spinning around and slamming her not so little butt right in the other half's chest. EVERY SINGLE MORNING we go through this for approximately 30 minutes.

The dogs are insane and bounce off the walls, He throws the ball or head and I get to drink my coffee and laugh. I am not sure I could think of a better way to start my mornings.

I have been very blessed with my family. A man I am crazy about, a son who couldn't be any more wonderful (better at mowing yes) and 4 stupid pets who crack me up more often than not.

I am back!

I am back on Twitter. Big deal huh? As I was logging in I felt a sense of grandness. Like I have all these profound, funny, inspiring and moving things to say. Once I was logged in all I could think of was "don't do drugs". Important? Yes. Profound, funny, inspiring and moving? No.

I "write" all day long in my head. It is some pretty amazing stuff too. When I sit down to put my thoughts on paper or screen I tend to get writers block. It is like taking a test. I go blank and then I just stare at the paper or screen and drool. I am sure I am not the only one who has this problem. I think my problem is the whole "it has to be epic to be worth a crap" and as we both know not much, if anything, I write is epic. So here I sit. Waiting for those amazing thoughts to flow out of my brain, down my arms, through my fingers to the keys of the computer so YOU can be WOWED!  Instead of relaxing and letting it flow I get all tense and questioning.

Anyway the point to this blog is that I got back on Twitter. Why the heck would I do that? Well, I am not sure. I felt compelled or something like that. Same reason I started a blog I guess.

I am on Facebook less and on Pinterest and Linkedin more. I feel happier and less stress because of this.

Today on Linkedin I ran across another blogger, author, actress by the name of Angela Shelton. It was because of her I felt compelled to get back on Twitter, I am not sure why though.

I read an article/blog she had posted on Linkedin. It was exactly what I needed today. I feel as though my new mantra is Carpe Diem (seize the day for those of you that don't know that) and it was partly or mostly because of this
http://angelashelton.com/101-ways-to-move-on/?utm_content=bufferc3929&utm_medium=social&utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Of course I started to follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and her blog.
I need more funny positive in my life. Not just the rah rah cheerleadery crap that I don't buy in to.

If you are so inclined you can follow me on Twitter :-)  my name is tnicky75.

It's JUST laundry!

My goodness you would think that keeping up with laundry was like asking me to eat a coconut pie with a side of chocolate whatever!
It is just laundry!
I have a washer and a dryer. In. My. House.
I do not have to load up clothes and walk 5 mile to the creek or crick and bang them on a rock while eating my skin away with lye soap.
I don't have to keep my eyes open for laundry doing woman eating bear.

It isn't like the other is really out of clean underwear. They are in the process of being put away, as in they are in a basket which is probably still in the laundry room and it now has dirty clothes on top of it so I have to look in the dryer and see what I haven't "folded" yet.

Why in the world is this task so difficult for me to stay on top of?

I feel accomplished when I look around and see no dirty clothes or clean clothes waiting for me to do SOMETHING with them. I like the fact that the other doesn't have to look in a drawer or in a closet and then sigh and ask "where is my ______".

Still it seems like I am faced with climbing a mountain and I just  can't   do  it.

I have been doing laundry since I was in second grade, yes second. I shit you not. I wasn't "helping" I was "doing". I didn't get to throw it in the dryer unless it was winter, I had to hang it out on the line. LAME. Maybe that is why I have such a disdain for laundry, might as well add dishes in there too.

You may have noticed I did not mention the 15yr old and his laundry. It is his responsibility. He is 15 and quite capable of carrying his basket down the stairs and running the machines. He is also in charge of the dishes (dishwasher).

I think we need to come up with disposable clothes, like paper plates and plastic cups. That would make my life easier. Oh wait, I don't like shopping either. Oh hell

I did it!

I did a couple its actually and the other will happy to know that laundry was one of them  :-)
To the REAL its though.

1) I volunteered yesterday with my not-mom-in-law at the community center where they have pb&j, chips, cookies and water to hand out to the kids who come play b-ball. This is a good thing for these kids because it is in a lower class area of Topeka and these kids need a place to hang out with positive influences, I am exempt from the influence part :-)

2) I braided my hair!! Not great but I did it. Not some fancy schmansy braid just a regular start at my neck three strand braid. BOOM!!!

3) I have narrowed down my tattoo ideas. Still keeping those in an un-locked vault because I am not 100% sure yet but if you cared enough to ask I would probably tell you.

4) I am enrolled in an entrepreneur class thingy with one of my not-sister-in-laws and I am also enrolled in business classes. I have gone as far as I can on what I already knew, now time for some education!

5) I changed my privacy settings on FB to the most private and then I LOGGED OFF MY PHONE!!! I have been un-plugging from FB for a few days at a time but find myself picking up my phone and scrolling through. I am walking away from it unless I am on my computer and check in for a minute. People can text or email me if they want to chat. Don't call, I don't like to talk on the phone. It is a bit to much like being in person.

6) Narrowed down color combos for the hall bath and master bed/bath. I also started taking down the hall bath tiles.

Don't get all paraisey and be like "good job!" and stuff. I didn't do this all in one day, it has been like Rome. Only not as cool or foreign. It is a work in progress and a step forward after which I need a nap then I stumble 15-20 steps back.

May your days be filled with many steps forward and long glorious naps that leave you happy and refreshed!

Weedy, just weedy!

So what started out as a weed pulling expedition turned in to a rip roaring, back muscle pulling good time!  I did not pull a muscle pulling weeds. I pulled it when I moved the 20somethingish hunk of limestone for my new flower/rock/something bed I inadvertently began to build last Thursday.

This is not a Pinterest project like the hallway closet is, this was a legitimate on a whim "hey this will be fun and easy" project I flung myself in to.  I started this project with the intentions of turning the current mud/weed bed in to something that at least looked better. The electric box is over there also so I was going to make a stone path for them to step on so they did not step on any flowers/vines that I MIGHT put there.

I started out using one side that the previous owners had down but alas, like everything else they did here it was askew. I do not care for askew unless it is MEANT to be that way and done properly.  :-)

After I got half way done with the askew project (trying to make the best of it) I was told by the other that while standing on the deck you can tell it is not straight, big time. He knows me and told me that it is better I know now instead of when I am finished because I will curse and huff and puff and re-do it anyway.

So I began undoing all the do I had done. (yes I meant for the sentence to say that)  That meant I had to take out the 12ish limestone pieces I had already placed. Not only had I placed them but I had been digging a trench of sorts so that they would all be even. I had to dig more and move more and the stones are a good 50lbs. I thought "man, I am a badass and getting a great workout!"  Take that Tony Horton and P90X!!  Thursday went swimminglyish, I did not get injured, stones got moved and put in place and I felt great about the whole project. Then Friday happened.  I was out moving and digging and moving some more and I felt a twinge. I told the other "I think I pulled a muscle" he answered that I probably had. End of convo. I kept moving 5 or so more stones and digging more dirt, also digging out around the stumps I have to cut out so that that they don't poke my weed mat full of holes.

Pretty soon the simplest thing such as moving my arm made me cringe. I REALLY hurt my back, for really real. Not a oh that stung a bit. It is a real INJURY! Holy crap! It hurt to walk and even to breathe. I texted the other that I REALLY hurt my back and had to come in and plant myself in bed. It has been 5 days and  I have been a horrible patient. I am not good at laying in bed. I am learning that I won't get better unless I rest though and the rest of my back and neck are making up for the injured muscles causing me to ache all over and have raging headaches.

I have been on facebook more (sad to admit) while laying there. BORED. I am reading a couple of books and watching the series Vikings, which is AWESOME!!!  I am also Pinteresting more. Mostly yoga and how to stretch this body when I am able to again. I can't wait to get back to yoga and working out.

Yes I will finish my stupid flower/rock/something bed I started. Can't get that far and just leave it. I am fairly certain that my thirst for curb appeal has been quenched and my yard is no longer in danger of being landscaped. Mowing and weed eating aside, if it ain't growing on its own it ain't growing in my yard :-)

Oh the things I have done!

As mentioned before this is not my first rodeo as far as living in the country. It has been so long since the first time I think I have forgotten everything I learned, or else I didn't learn anything. I can't remember  :-)
I do know that I was young (20ish) and we did not have dogs.

We moved to the country in August of 2013, since then I have learned a handful of things.

1. There are lots of spiders out there. By lots I mean GAZILLIONS and this must be the egg-sack carrying time of year. Please excuse me while I go throw up! Before you get all "they are good to have around" on me, I know this and I don't give a rip. I HATE them and want to ban them from my property! All 10.5 acres of it!!!

2. I am not opposed to picking up random body parts from cows, pigs, deer and other creatures I could not identify. If needed I will have a tug-o-war with said body parts to keep Talia from bringing them in the house. She hasn't carried anything new home in a couple weeks now. Strange...

3. I have a soft spot in my heart for turtles, snakes, snails, moles, skinks, frogs, anything that is NOT an arachnid, flea, tick, roach or june bug.

4. Because of said soft spot I will slam on my breaks to "rescue" a snake, turtle, frog, or whatever little creature I happen to see in distress.

Since living on the farm I have rescued 2 snakes, 2 frogs, 3 turtles, 1 praying mantis, multiple snails and 1 mole. Yes I said mole. I was torn, they screw up the yard but they are sooooo cute!

I was on the phone with the significant other and saw Truman and Talia in the front yard. I looked out the door in time to see Truman toss something in the air. "What the hell is that?" I said as I walked out the door. Truman dropped it and it was a mole. I am not sure if it was a child, teenager or adult as the amount of mole knowledge I have could fit in a thimble.  I keep the dogs from coming back to it and tell the other "gotta go and save a mole". I tried to corral it with my sock feet and get it back to where I thought it belonged. It kept going in circles. Apparently being blind and tossed around by dogs makes you act like you have just had a long enjoyable evening at the bar.

I decide that I need to pick him(I don't know how to tell what sex a mole is) up and carry him across the yard to a "safer" place where he can burrow in to one of the many mole holes already there. I reach down and gently touch the little sucker while talking to him in a calm voice explaining I am not going to hurt him. He did the holy hell don't kill me flip to his back and cover his face with his front webbed feet. Ok so I guess I will just pick him up. Worst case is he scratches me with his nails and pees on me. As I began to gather him in my hands he screamed! SCREAMED I tell you!!  Did you know moles screamed? I sure did NOT!

Well that is not going to work. I decided to go in an grab a dish towel to wrap him in. I get the dogs to go in the house, amazed they actually listen to me, and grab a towel. I went back out and wrapped him up and took him to where I thought he belonged. He did not scream so I think the dark in the towel may have made him feel safe. What do I know? I am not a mole psychologist.
I got the little guy over to some soft dirt and put him down, I watched for a bit until I saw a freaking arachnid run across the ground. I said F this!  Good luck little guy, hope you find your mole family.

He must be ok since I have not seen a mole carcass in the last few days!

Sweatpants & Mumus

While speaking with the significant other regarding my perceived failure of attaining my "goal" in physical fitness he sighed and said "why can't you just workout for fun (because I DO enjoy it) and let your body be what it is?"
WHAT?!?!? I looked at him like he sprouted a second and third head! Are you insane??? That is the DUMBEST thing I have heard from you in a while!
How is that even possible? I hated my body when it was at the peak of its physical fitness pinnacle!  I was an embarrassing 132 lbs (which is about 12 lbs more than I was used to) and a tiny pillar of solid muscle. I was wearing the smallest clothes I had worn in years and I was fit! Yet when I looked at myself, which I desperately avoid, I was still out of shape, fat, blech. So if I hate myself at the most fit I have ever been and probably ever will be how in the world does he think I can "let my body be what it is"???

While I appreciate the fact he loves me and if I have an extra few lbs on me he doesn't care it is also difficult because he is so accepting and I am not.

I put on a pair of jeans the other day that a couple of months ago were loose on me and I had to do the fat dance and wiggle to get them over my thighs and ass. Then I cried AGAIN! If you know me at all then you know crying pisses me off, it makes me feel weak. But here I am trying very hard to get to a goal and I am going in the WRONG F'ING DIRECTION!!!!!!

I am frustrated and angry and sick of hating this body that God so graciously gave me. Just because I want to be a willowy 5'9" or so doesn't mean I will EVER get there. I can't I am 5'5" and "athletic" built which to me means chubby.  

I think the significant other is just as tired of me hating myself. I try to avoid any conversation regarding me and my body with him. I know he will sigh and say they same things over and over. He is tired of saying it and I am tired of hearing it.

I hate shopping and this is why. I don't like to look in the mirror and you kind of have to when you try clothes on. Plus when I get to the fitting room I shrink 3 inches and gain 15 lbs. Think I am going to a pool party or boating with friends??? Hell NO!!! I was talking with a friend this morning after my run and decided I will live in sweatpants and mumus.
My mom will bling them for me then I can be a giant sparkly tent!

I hope you all have a great weekend and are headed in the RIGHT direction of your goals!

Fitness

For most people the word fitness brings to mind your physical body, exercise, pain and tears! Especially when you fall off of a treadmill in a PACKED gym with lots of hot college dudes working out right behind you!

That is for another day unless I get back to it in a minute.

For ME fitness is about my physical health but also my spiritual health. MY spiritual health is equivalent to an 83 year old drinking, smoking biker chick with many scars from a life of chaos.  Ok maybe she is more like 32 but LOOKS 83.

I have dipped my toes in the religion pool, testing the waters of several denominations. I settled in to the Catholic pool and converted several years ago. At the time it felt like home for me.  As they years went by I started to feel worse AFTER church then I did before!  What the heck father!!!  I guess I took off my life jacket and submerged myself in the faith. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT dogging Catholics, their beliefs, their rituals, their church. I am simply stating that in MY opinion that specific teaching is very guilt based. I had plenty before I went to church I really did not need to add to my bucket!

I felt like I was drifting farther and farther from God instead of getting closer. No matter how hard I swam, flailing my arms and kicking my feet I kept getting swept down the river. It hurt. I was sad and disappointed and empty.

I stopped attending the church, unless I had to go for Dylan. I stopped kicking and flailing and let myself be swept away by the current of anxiety, grief, emptiness, and despair.  I didn't really give up on a relationship with God but I did stop fighting for it.

I have started swimming again, dog paddling my way back through the muddy, painful waters (for you Princess Bride people it would be like getting out of the pit of despair or for you NeverEnding Story people it is the swamp of sadness).  For me this means reading a daily devotional and when I start to feel like I am slipping back down the river I close my eyes and ask God to rescue me.  He does!

Both types of fitness take a conscious effort. EVERY SINGLE DAY! From exercising your body to eating healthier to praying and spending time in the word. EVERY SINGLE DAY! I am NOT on a soapbox or screaming this from my ivory tower (that sucker burned down with my soapbox in it) I am merely stating that taking time out of every day to focus on fitness is important, do as I say not as I do!  :-)

Ok really fast:  I was training for a half marathon and would sometimes go to the gym and run the treadmill. I was on the one by the wall and there were several weight machines behind it. They were packed with hot guys (in my mind they keep getting hotter) and all the treadmills were being used. I was running next to the full-face make-up walker while reading a magazine chick. So I had hit a baby wall at about mile 5 or so and like I do while running outside I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep cleansing breath.  I knew I was keeping up with the the treadmill pace I had set. After that one short second I opened my eyes and oh shit I was drifting off the back and to the side (wall side) so I stepped off (like a drunk trying to do the one leg stand during a car stop) and lost any balance I had and slammed my right side in to the wall. BAM!
Little miss make-up walker magazine reader looks over at me with a look of disgust as I am jumping back on the treadmill, I smile sheepishly then run the rest of my run with my head down. As soon as that sucker hit 6 miles I shut if off and sprinted to the door!  I never used that treadmill again!

Happy fitnessing to you! (new word I just made up! You are welcome :-)  )

Farm Life

We live on 10.5 acres of wooded and most of the time un-mowed land. To say we live on a farm would be inaccurate. We live BY a farm so we get the sights (trucks, trailers, tractors, barns), smells (cow poop), and sounds (cows, chickens, donkeys).

I think it would be correct to say we live in the country. When I think of country life I think of no neighbors for a mile or so. WRONG!!! We have neighbors in our back pocket, or front if you want to get technical about it. They are right next door and across the street. So close I can hear the neighbor kids playing basketball.

So much for peaceful country life. At least we don't have people driving by with stereos so loud our windows rattle and fire trucks 6 blocks away.

I have lived on farms/ranches before and did not really appreciate how quiet it was. I enjoyed the quiet of course but did not appreciate it.

As I have mentioned, we have 3 dogs, 2 cats and 1 teenage boy.  He is pretty much a slug who lives in his room :-)  Not really but I like to tease him.
With 3 dogs and 2 cats comes a certain amount of chaos, stress, hilarity and mess.

Our dogs have figured out that free range country life is bad ass. When we first moved here in August 2013, they would take off and explore for miles. They have since set parameters, which I am not privy to, and 89.73267% of the time they are in the yard or on the deck.

The other portion of the time is spent playing or laying in a pond or some body of water they have found.

This was not always the case!

Week 1: Truman comes home happy as a dog who just rolled in death or shit or both! Holy cow it was awful!!!  I am on poop duty (doodie) since I won't have a complete and total barf-o-rama. (Stand By Me).
I had to tie him to a pole and wash him 3 times and his face still smelled mildly of cow crap.

After we got Talia and she started running with Truman and Avery things got even more interesting or disgusting, whatever.
All of a sudden random body parts started showing up. None human that we could tell.
A cow leg here, I am talking a WHOLE leg! Complete with a knee, fur and a hoof. A deer leg there, same scenario. Oh and look! A SPINE! How fun!!! Talia tries to bring the spine in the house so here I am having a tug of war with a SPINE and explaining to the puppy that "no spine in the house".  We have jaw bones with teeth, hip bones, more spine, a dead snake (in DECEMBER), an ENTIRE opossum skeleton with a bit of meat left(smelly), cow pelts, deer pelts, rabbit pelts, and rabbit bodies. Talia was running around with a rabbit head like it was a ball! Dead moles, a couple of squirrels, 3 sets of antlers and more cow and deer legs than we can count. I am certain I am missing something from this list.

With all of the parts Talia has given us we could make Frankencow. Complete with a spine, rabbit head, fur and antlers. It would be an interesting creature.

I forgot to mention the skunk incidents. 2 of em so far. Last night Avery got a face full of skunk. She looked like a recruit on pepper spray day! :-)

As I sit here writing this I hear the dogs come thumping up the deck so I look up and what do I see???? Talia with a WHOLE rabbit! It is fresh and she is happy!

Well I gotta go and take the rabbit away form Talia, mean mommy!

Did I mention Talia has done all of this in only 7 months!!!

Mother's Day, Father's Day and Coconut Pie Day

They all mean the same thing to me...NOTHING.  For me they are just days and I am ok with that. Of course I had a mom and dad. Two of each actually. Birth mom and dad and adopted mom and dad. You might be thinking to yourself that I am a lucky kid. WRONG WRONG WRONG.  Birth mom wasn't "selfless" and loved me so much she let go, she was lazy and selfish and didn't want the hassle. She also waited for 5 years.  OH but your adoptive parents must have LOVED you. Eh doubt it.
Yeah they adopted me (it was birth moms sister and brother in law) but they didn't want me any more than she did. What about birth dad???? He was GONE. Off to the military he went and I didn't meet him until I was 16. 

I am struggling with the whole
 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."  Exodus 20:12  

I had "parents" if you will, but I did not have parents.  I have finally made peace with that fact and I have learned forgiveness for one of them, still struggling with the other.  When these holidays come around I feel like I am having this shoved down my throat and while I agree that it is good to acknowledge your parents and the love they have for you I also know that there are parents out there that do NOT deserve acknowledgment. 

That being said I will celebrate these two days with my new family, the only one I have really had, and honor "mom" for raising her children to be the wonderful people they are. I am happy to have them in my life. I will celebrate "dad" in June because for the first time in my life I feel as though I am genuinely cared about and they really are happy to have me in their lives.

They are NOT my parents, they are not even my in-laws but I love them as they though they are. In my heart they are and for me that is what counts. It took me 37 years to get a mom and dad but hey, the ones I got are pretty spectacular :-)

What about coconut pie day???? Here is the thing about coconut pie, I hate it. I won't celebrate it. EVER.  If I had to choose between eating a piece of coconut pie or giving Dylan a foot rub I would choose the foot rub. I don't like feet :-(  That is a story for another day :-)

SO for all of the moms out there who really love their kids and take care of them I salute you! 

Dogs, Who knew?

Dogs are HILARIOUS!  Unless they are channeling Cujo and trying to eat your face off.

Well duh Theresa! That is part of the reason people love dogs.  Yeah well I did not know this until Marc and I got together. 

I hated dogs, ok not really the dog but the idea of dogs.  They bark, lick, jump, and NEED you. UGH!! No thanks! I didn't want or need the constant "mom" "mom" "mom" of a dog because unlike children dogs do not grow up and move out. Nope you are stuck with the perpetual toddler for the rest of their lives.  

Enter Avery.  Dylan WANTED a dog so bad and Marc liked dogs so it wasn't that big of a deal. Avery took a few days to get her name because we just could NOT think of anything, plus she was a puppy that hadn't shown her personality yet.  Well her full name is Darth Avery Tan Lord of the Sith Empire (the boys are big Star Wars fans, I love Darth).  She has proven many times over that we named her correctly! Wow! Can we say ubber bitch :-)  She is funny! Her attitude and personality won us over and we just love her snarkyness!

Well poor little Avery puppy was lonely, playing in the big back yard all by herself so Marc said she needed a friend. He saw Truman on the news, Helping Hands features pets, and fell in love. He said "I want that dog". 

I was not impressed. It's a dog, so what... Truman (the name helping hands gave him) cracks me up on a daily basis. He drove me out of my freaking mind when we lived in town though. He is so neurotic and had TONS of energy to burn. Once we moved to the country he has turned in to the happiest, goofiest, trashiest (long hair) dog. We LOVE it!!

So there we were, Marc had Truman and Dylan had Avery and I didn't care and was fine with both dogs but not a dog lover.  

One day I was getting my nails done and my friend Michelle mentioned a person she knew found a boxer on the side of the road and they could not keep it. They called the vets in the area and no one reported a missing dog. They posted it on Facebook and nothing. Marc had talked about the boxers he had previously and how great the breed was so I told him about this dog and asked if we could go see it. It was a girl.  

His stipulation was that it can't have long nasty nails, tumors(Boxers are known for them), nasty teeth  or nipples of a mother dog.

We pull up to the house the lady opens the gate and I lost my heart. The very second I saw her I KNEW she was MINE and I was HERS!!!  My Maggie. She was the most beautiful dog I had ever laid eyes on. In reality she was NOT the most beautiful dog. She was white with brown eyes, had tumors, long icky nails, nasty nasty teeth/gums, and she had had puppies.  She was dirty and scrawny and I was in love!!!  

That was the moment I got it, I know now why people love dogs.  I could not wait to get my baby home and start giving her the best life ever!  I was so excited to show her to the family.  They were not as enamored by her as I was :-)  In fact one of them asked "does that dog have a glass eye?"  

Her breath would make you pass out and her toots could clear a giant living room with 15' ceilings but she was perfect! She had the BEST attitude, unless you were a kitten then she tried to eat you.

I could go on for days about this girl!!! She was my soul mate! Marc is my true love and I have to remind him and Dylan that I do love them more than Maggie, or at least as much :-).   

We still have Avery and Truman and have since added Talia to the pack but none of them even come close to making my heart as happy as my beautiful Maggie.  July 26, 2014 will be one year since I said good bye. I think of her daily and cry often but most of the time I smile and laugh remembering how happy she was and how happy she made me.

Avery

 Truman

Talia

Maggie 

I am not Snow White

Went to Menards yesterday, twice. (we are in the middle of remodeling the house so we are either at Menards or Home Depot)  On the second trip I got a bird feeder and some food, nothing fancy, just the kind you stick to your door.  I got home stuck it to the front door, which we rarely use, and filled it up. This is somewhat new for me as it has been YEARS since I purchased bird food. I got the midwest mix.

I hopped ( who am I kidding, it was scooted, rolled and trudged) out of bed this morning to the chirping of birds, left the windows open last night!  BRRRRR
I went to the front door expecting to feel like Snow White when she opens her curtains and birds come say hello.

There it is!!! My bird feeder! Full and ready for all those hungry little suckers that I watched yesterday under the lilac bush........nothing. NOTHING!!!!!!!  Are you serious?  I can hear you out there for crying out loud! I see them in the neighbors yard on the farm implements! I am so intent on the freaking bird feeder that the little scrape, pluck, thunk sound on the kitchen screen next to me barley sinks in. I look and there is a female blue jay. Of course she is looking at the giant moth that is on the next screen over. She assesses the situation and leaves.  A few minutes later she's back and she snatches up her big juicy moth for breakfast :-(

I am not sad about the moth, I am sad that these birds seem to be too stupid to find a FULL BIRD FEEDER!!!!!  It is RIGHT THERE!!!.

I know nothing about birds, ok not nothing cause EVERYONE knows SOMETHING about birds. Am I supposed to play hard to get? Is it to soon after offering them this delicious meal to expect them to start cramming to the front door like this is some cool bird night club? I got nothing! I am annoyed. What is wrong with the wildlife in this place?  Just yesterday I rescued a snake from the middle of the road, apparently he did NOT want to be rescued because the little sucker tried to bite me, several times.  I got a stick and shewed him off the road, the whole time he had his head up talking crap and trying to bite.
I would have grabbed him had I known what kind he was. Yeah it would have hurt but how cool would THAT have been?  "Hey Marc, can you get this snake off me?"
Marc didn't think that would have been cool so I am now banned form harassing/saving snakes until I know what they are. Ok, ok that sounds like a good idea! Geez

Back to the birds...still nothing. Zip, zilch, nada, ZERO!  Jerks

Rainy days and Sundays

I sit here in the kitchen with lights off and windows open. I anxiously await the thunderstorm that is headed this way. I love thunderstorms. The sounds and smells take me to a very peaceful place. When I was a child I was terrified of storms. My grandma told me the angels were bowling and when the ball rolled down the lane it made thunder and when they hit the pins that was lightning. I didn't believe a word she said!
Let's get back to the point here. I see dark skies, green grass, buds on the trees and my favorite flower (lilac) in bloom. I love my back yard.
I watch the leaves move in the wind and listen to the birds chirping. I also hear Avery chomping away at her dog food like a crazy person! Truman is sighing every few seconds because he doesn't like thunder and Talia? She's actually resting by the door on a towel. Rain + dogs = towels at random spots around my house.  :-)

All in all this is a quiet, peace filled morning. Aaaaaaand Avery just burped so loud it sounded like a grown man! At least she's done chomping.
My love is still sleeping, he works crazy hours, and the boy is on his way home from Ohio.
It is a beautiful morning and I am over whelmed by how blessed I am!

I hope your hearts are as full as mine!!!

WHAT is that?

Oh this?  This is my attempt at a ponytail. Yep! THIS beauty took me 30 min!
I think I am one of the few girls past the age of 7(?) that can't manage to put her hair in a ponytail.  Ok, I CAN put my hair in a ponytail but it looks like a 3 year old did it.

Even those "messy" ponytails that should be easy to throw your hair in...nope, can't do it! How about a bun or a braid?  HAAAAAA  Not even with the help of "The Perfect Bun".

I see girls in town, in pictures, on television with the nice slicked back pony, cute messy pony, look at me I'm all fancy pony, and I roll up with the "I did this in the dark with my eyes closed, then took a nap in it" pony.

Is there some super secret club that teaches you how to pull your hair back? Is it a gene that I was born without?

I have tried most everything, except the vacuum hose like the dad on the Internet.

Ponytail with a head band=accenting the disaster. 
Ponytail with the sporty, cute, stretchy band..um NO.  I can't wear those bands. Even to sit on the couch like a statue to read. It slips off my head. Apparently I have a very odd shaped head under all this hair.

Oh wait, you say, what about the base of the neck pony?  Or how about the cute side pony that sweeps around and lays over your shoulder? PUHLEEZ!  It looks more like I hit some poor unsuspecting creature on the road, snatched it up and threw it over my shoulder!

I guess until I get a hair dresser to come do my hair for me every day I will continue to amaze myself and the public with my lack of ponytail abilities and when I am feeling generous I will throw on a hat!

Strength in Weakness

For 30 some years I thought being strong meant holding your head high, not showing emotions and powering through life on your own.

In the last few months I have learned that I couldn't have been more wrong.

It takes a strong person to trust, putting yourself out there in the hands of others takes great strength.  Very often we end up in hands that are not trustworthy, gentle, or kind. We get hurt by these hands, knocked down or crushed. The strength it takes to put yourself in this situation is greater than the strength it takes to keep people away.

It takes a strong person to love. Opening your heart to someone makes you vulnerable. It gives them the opportunity to break your heart. Take your love and wad it up and throw it away. Leaving you crushed, confused, and broken.

Being strong doesn't mean you never fall down, make mistakes or get hurt. Being strong means you get back up, dust yourself off, admit your mistakes and FORGIVE YOURSELF for them!  Lick your wounds then get back out there!

Living behind a wall where there is no room for love, happiness, pain and heartache is not living.
It is existing. It is lonely. It is not how humans are meant to be.

God gave us the ability to love.
To give of ourselves to others, to feel joy. God also gave us the ability to hurt. To turn to Him and others in our time of need. In our darkest hours.

It is in the dark, in the loneliness, in the pain we need God and each other more than any other time.

Embrace these feelings, these moments for in them He is working in us.
It is when we feel weakest we are strongest.

Who do you turn to in your darkest hours?

He gives power to the weak,
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired, 
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:29-31  NLT

About A Blog(ger)

What is the point of this blog?

I am not really sure.  I know what I HOPE the point of this blog is.  

I HOPE that this blog touches you, maybe even reaches off the page and slaps you once in a while.
I hope you cry, laugh, laugh until you cry, think and feel. Just to name a few.

My grammar is less than stellar and if it weren't for spell check? Well that would be pretty interesting too.

I am a Jill of many trades (cause I am not a boy and there are lots of trades) and master of none.

I read, a lot. My genre you ask?  Uh....words basically.  With all the reading I do you would think my grammar would be better and I wouldn't need spell check.  You would also think that I would be a master at at least ONE thing.  

I have learned in life that if you start a sentence with "you would think" the rest of the sentence is moot.  

Perhaps my biggest HOPE for this blog is that you don't ever think you are alone, the only one going through what you are going through. The only one thinking what you are thinking.  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I can make a sailor blush but I will keep this at least PG13.

I am a mom. I live with my fiance and have for 3 years (?), don't know exactly :-)
He is a fantastic not-dad to my 15 year old boy (thank goodness not a girl, more later)
We live on 10.5 acres of pre-horded land, meaning the previous owners lived here for 40 years and threw NOTHING away (like nails, coffee cans, buckets, tires, branches, shoes, well you get the point).
We have two "at home" businesses, he works full time outside the home, I am a Realtor and now a blogger. 
We are in the beginning stages of remodeling the house (read no walls, exposed wires, 2x4s, etc. More on that later too).
Last but not least we have 3 dogs (indoor, most of the time but outdoor a lot) and 2 outdoor/shop cats.  

To say I have a busy life would be a tad inaccurate....like I said, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.   Your stories may not mirror mine but they are welcome here, YOU are welcome here. No hating or judging going on.

Please feel free to ask question, share stories and enjoy this with a cup of your favorite beverage :-)

Early morning "peace"

The dogs (specifically Talia) wake my up between 5:00 and 6:00 every single day. Now mind you I don't HAVE to be up until 6:20.  

Most days I let them outside to do their thing (chew on the random cow/deer parts they have collected) and I sit down to soak in the stillness.

I love the quiet, I LIKE being alone. I am not lonely and do not need to be entertained so this early morning stillness doesn't bother me.

I would like to climb up on my high horse and say that during those quiet early mornings I spend time with God. I would like to shout from my ivory tower that in the stillness of those early hours I spend time in the word. Learning, praying, reflecting.     I can't, well I COULD but that would not be true.

Most of those mornings I start a pot of coffee, craving that first sip of the wonderful, hot concoction that stimulates my brain. (my coffee is more like a cup of milk with a splash of coffee but we won't talk about that)  Then instead of picking up my devotional or the Bible I pick up my phone. You guessed it, I check Facebook.
I take a stroll through Facebook park. Just browsing, not really paying attention. Letting the fog in my brain slowly dissipate.

I see funny shares, inspirational quotes, angry rants and help abused animals but mostly it is a blur of pictures and words.

I exit the Facebook world to check the time, I don't feel satiated. I fell like I am on auto pilot.  Switched on cruise control and am coasting on a tank that is so close to empty and not being replenished.

I DO love the quiet of the still, early mornings. I DON'T like being alone anymore, I want to sit with God. Have the word and prayer replenish my tank for the day that awaits.

I want to know that no matter what this day hold for me, I have spent those few precious moments in absolute love and peace.

How do you spend YOUR precious quiet time?

But as for me, I will sing about your power.
Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
For you have been my refuge,
A place of safety when I am in distress.
Psalm 59:16 NLT